


Letters from the fire (burn inside my head)

by icarusinflight



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, Pain, Suicidal Thoughts, col-shaladin positivity week 2017, just all the pain, major character death(but we know not really)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 00:34:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11771757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusinflight/pseuds/icarusinflight
Summary: It had started when Shiro had been declared dead, Kerberos Mission Failure due to Pilot Error.It was a way to keep a connection. Even if Shiro was never coming back.Keith writes Shiro letters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This is super sad. I'm sorry. 
> 
> Some suicidal ideation. Keith is not coping well.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all errors are my own.  
> Written for the Shaladin Positivity Week hosted by Col-Discord  
> https://col-discord.tumblr.com/post/163989239220/due-to-the-hate-being-thrown-around-after-the

It had started when Shiro had been declared dead, _Kerberos Mission Failure due to Pilot Error_.

It was a way to keep a connection. Even if Shiro was never coming back.

_Dear Shiro,_

_Today they told the world you’re dead. The garrison said it was due to pilot error, but I don’t want to believe it. They shouldn’t have said that until the investigation was complete. Why did they break protocol to announce that? I… can’t believe you won’t be back in a year though. Maybe it will all be a mistake._

He kept the letters up even as he neglected his coursework, even as he dropped off the extra simulator runs he’d done, the dedication to which had earnt him his top place on all the sims.

_Dear Shiro,_

_They held your funeral today. We had a ceremony at the Garrison. They had one of the instructors speak. They said lots of lovely things about how great you were as a pilot and trainer. But none of it was about you. It was all about your role at the Garrison. They didn’t say anything about how good you are at listening. They didn’t say anything about how you love to play Trivial Pursuit, but are the sorest loser. How you have absolutely no poker face. How you secretly love Jimmy Buffet. They didn’t play any of your favourite music. I’m listening to “Why don’t we get drunk now”. _

_I miss you. I wish it were all a dream._

He ended up getting a notebook to write the letters in. It wasn’t every day he’d write them. But it was most. When there was something he wanted Shiro to know. When there was something he would have gone to Shiro about. When he missed him. Well, not all the times he missed him. It felt like that was always. Sometimes he took the hover bike and rode out to the Cabin, reminiscing of the times he’d shared with Shiro there.

_Shiro,_

_It’s not fair. I try not to be bitter about this. I should have known better. Dad lost my mum before I could remember, and I lost him so long ago. But I never thought I’d lose you too._

Sometimes he was angry

_I hate you for leaving me. Why would you do this to me?_

Sometimes he scribbled those notes out. It didn’t seem fair to write those to Shiro. Even if he could never read them.

_Shiro,_

_It’s been 147 days since you were declared dead. Today I was kicked out of the Garrison. I’m so angry at myself, at the Garrison, at everyone. I know you’d be angry and disappointed in me. I know you wanted me to make something of myself, but maybe some of us just aren’t meant to be anything._

_I’m sorry Shiro._

His days in the desert blended in together. He got a cash job in the town, cleaning the hardware store. He avoided everything to do with the Garrison.

_Shiro._

_If you were here with me, this would be perfect. We could spend our days in the cabin and our nights watching the stars and listing the constellations._

_But you’re not. You’re gone. I miss you so much. Will this ever feel less painful?_

On the darker days Keith considered giving up. It felt like he didn’t have anything left to live for. On a very dark day he left the cabin after dark and walked. Just kept walking. He looked to the stars, but didn’t use them to navigate, instead just following his feet. When he thought he couldn’t walk anymore he found a cave to sleep in. He didn’t write anything that day. His notebook far away in the cabin.

When he woke his eyes were crusted with sand and his mouth was dry. He’d stashed a small water bottle in one of his belt pockets, as well as a granola bar, but he resisted using either now. Either he’d need them later, or he wouldn’t be using them again. He wasn’t sure which yet.

When he’d blinked his eyes back into functionality, he looked around the cave sanctuary he’d taken last night, and decided he may as well explore the cave a little. The sun had risen outside, casting some illumination into the cave, but also making the outside too hostile to walk out in. For now anyway. The desire to do so anyway was tempting, so instead he decided to explore the cave.

The light from outside was starting to fade, when Keith’s eyes noticed discolorations on the save walls.

No, not discolorations, he noted when he got closer. They were paintings, or maybe carvings.

He reached out his hand to the wall, and felt the indentations with his fingers. Definitely carvings. His fingertips traced the patterns. The pattern looked like a robot, but that seemed impossible. These carvings looked old. Too old to be drawing robots. Although it was possible he was mistaken. In this lighting it was impossible to tell. He should come back with a flashlight and investigate.

Somewhat surprisingly, he realised that he did genuinely want to come back and further investigate the carvings. It was the first stirrings of desire for anything he’d had since Shiro had been declared dead.

It was something.

He decided to drink some water, and eat a little of his granola bar.

Once the sun had set, and the ground and air had cooled, Keith left the cave, this time using the stars to help him back to the cabin. He slept the rest of the night, and made plans to return to the cave the next night.

And he wrote a note to Shiro

_Dear Shiro,_

_I found something tonight. It’s… I don’t know what it is. But it’s interesting. I want to explore it. But it made me think, about you, about us, about me writing these letters to you._

_I miss you so much it is like a pain inside me, like a tumour pressing against my ribs, causing me pain to breath. I don’t know if that will ever change. But I don’t think this is helping. I feel like maybe I should give this up. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. But, I’m going to try._

_I love you Shiro. That will never change. But I need this._

Keith went back to the cave, and took photos, took tracings, and explored the surroundings as well.

He recommissioned the cork board from the cabin. He’d previously used it to track the Kerberos mission. But now he removed everything from board. The print outs, the newspaper clippings, star maps.

Well. Almost everything. Except a note he’d written for Shiro before it all went to hell.

_It’s killing me when you’re away_

He couldn’t bring himself to take it down. Just as he couldn’t bring himself to throw away the Kerberos information. Or the notebook with his letters. Instead  storing them all in a plastic weather proof container below his bed.

He did stop writing to Shiro.

But not looking at that note.

_It’s killing me when you’re away_

 

* * *

 

When Keith finds Shiro, the box is the last thing on his mind. It’s a flurry of explosions, running from the garrison, and dealing with the interlopers.

The only thing on his mind is Shiro. Shiro is alive, Shiro is here.

Then they catch a ride on a lion to outer space.

The box, and the notebook containing his letters is still beneath the bed in the cabin.

But not forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are not getting better yet.  
> Sorry!
> 
> Thank you so much to the wonderful [TdCat](https://tdcatsblog.tumblr.com/) for the beta, and especially for encouraging me with this story.  
> You're a star.

“He’s gone” Lance says. And even though it’s true, even though Keith can see it with his own eyes, he doesn’t want to believe it.

His breathing stops, and his vision blurs. It isn’t until he sways into Pidge that he realises he can’t see anything anymore, the world has just turned into a red blur.

A red blur without Shiro in it.

He must be out here still, a part of his brain supplies, and suddenly he’s breathing kick starts again, painfully so, and he’s gasping for air like the time Lance almost got sucked out the airlock. Shiro might be out there. He needs to get out there. He needs to find Shiro.

He tries to take a step before he crashes down in the cockpit. He realises, albeit too late, when he’s already lying on the floor, that he still can’t see. 

He feels hands on him, and can hear the voices asking him if he’s okay. He’s not. Nothing is okay. But he just needs a moment. He needs a moment and he’ll get his breathing back under control and he’ll get his sight back and then he’ll go find Shiro.

Just a moment.

He'll find Shiro. 

Everything will be okay.

 

* * *

 

It's not okay. When he finally has to accept that Shiro is not out there, or at least not findable, and returns to the castle, a cold fury has taken over him. It numbs him to the core, thankfully smothering his hurt, but it leaves him with a seething rage. Angry at Shiro, at Allura and Coran, at his fellow paladins. At the galra. At himself for allowing it, for having galra blood which makes it at least partially his fault. 

He writes a note to Shiro on the only scrap of paper he has, before falling into bed from exhaustion. 

_ How could you leave me again _

His day is a flurry of strategising plans to recover Shiro. Keith won't accept he's dead. Shiro has been declared dead once before, and Keith won't accept that again unless he can see the body himself. 

He asks Allura for a something to write in, and although she was puzzled why he would need such a thing, she was able to find him a book and a pencil. 

_ I’m sorry for my last letter Shiro. I was upset. I know it’s not your fault. You didn’t leave by your own volition. _

_ But I’m still hurt. _

_ I will do everything in my power to find you. _

Keith knew the other paladins were hurting too. Knew they had cared for, and missed Shiro. Knew he should probably discuss it with them, Shiro has always encouraged him to expand his social circle, and to talk to others. But now when he knew he should be reaching out to the others he withdrew. 

When Shiro had disappeared at the garrison Keith could get away at least, but in the Castle of Lions there was nowhere to run to. 

_ Dear Shiro  _

_ The castle feels like it’s haunted with memories of you. Everywhere I look I see the memories from when you were here. I see the places where we sparred, where we talked about your fears over your prosthetic arm, where we talked about how I was scared that I'd never belonged on earth and that I felt guilty that here was better for me.  _

_ Everywhere I look I see you Shiro, but you're not here.  _

He couldn't get away physically, so he withdrew verbally. Outside of mission discussions, he rarely spoke. The words he wrote in the notebook to Shiro were the closest thing to a conversation he had. 

_ Dear Shiro,  _

_ I know the others miss you too. I know Pidge is struggling, she’s lost her brother and father, and now you. But I can't help them. I can't even help myself Shiro. And I can't find you.  _

_ Why can't we find any trace of you?  _

Despite them being Shiro-less, the task of saving the universe continued. They went on missions, helped free civilisations and planets, and tried to organise a formidable resistance. They were getting by, but only just. It was obvious that they needed the black paladin, so Keith was spending every available moment searching for Shiro, or thinking of ways to possibly get Shiro back. 

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when Allura suggested they needed to find a new paladin, in a way Keith knew it would come, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. There was no replacing Shiro.

_ Shiro, _

_ I’ll never give up on you. _

It came to a head one day. Keith shouldn't have been surprised in hindsight. What he could do in a cabin in the desert he just couldn’t do in a castle surrounded by people. As much as he wants to just run, leave it all behind and put himself in self imposed exile again, he can’t. Instead he’s forced to stay in the castle and interact with people, even as he tries his best to avoid doing so. Which isn’t to say he doesn’t consider it, when he’s alone in his quarters, dreams of just taking an escape pod, finding the nearest planet and trying to make do. But Shiro is gone, not declared dead. There’s a chance they’ll find him, and Keith needs to believe that’s true, the only thing that keeps him going through the days. His best chance of finding Shiro is staying with Voltron.

He knows, when the others come to him, that Allura was right, that even as he will never give up looking for Shiro, they need to look for a new paladin.

It still hurts just the same.

 

_ Shiro, _

_ We need Voltron. I’ve been trying to deny it and put it off. But we need Voltron. We could never replace you. And I know this is something you would want us to do. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I know you wanted me to pilot the black lion… but, I don’t. I never asked for that Shiro. I’m not like you. _

_ I don’t want that. _

His next letter was only three words.

_ Black chose me. _

Piloting Black was nothing like piloting Red. Keith missed Red fiercely, missed Red and missed his position as Shiro’s literal right hand. It wasn’t fair, Keith thought, that he had to change lions, and also learn how to lead.

But then a lot of things weren’t fair.

With time, at least things got better. But they never got good.

_ Dear Shiro,  _

_ Something very strange happened. We… traveled to a different planet. _

_ I met you there, the you, from that dimension. _

_ You didn’t know me of course, your name was Sven.  _

_ You will be amused and horrified to find out that in that universe, you are friends with Slav. _

_ It looked so much like you… but it wasn’t you. _

_ I miss you Shiro. _

The day Black finds Shiro Keith thinks everything will be okay.

It feels right when he’s talking to Shiro in his quarters. When he tells Shiro he’d rescue him as many times as it would take he means it.

Things feel… off… to Keith. Something not quite right with Shiro, but he pushes the feelings aside. Shiro just came back from being captured by the Galra. For the second time. 

It’s not exactly out the realm of possibilities that things are off with Shiro, and for good reasons.

Shiro is fine, things are better.

 

* * *

 

He writes one more entry.

_ Why does it feel like you're still gone _

He keeps the book to himself for now. Shoves the book underneath his mattress, and tries to shove his feelings down with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter now peeps. 
> 
> I promise things will get better soon
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life  
> If you wanna hit me up on tumblr to discuss this, or for any reason, you can find me at [candybarrnerd](http://candybarrnerd.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I figured I should post this before season 4 drops and this is all Jossed.
> 
> Thanks once again to the wonderful [TdCat](https://tdcatsblog.tumblr.com/) for the beta, and especially for encouraging me with this story.

Keith sinks down to the wall, he wraps his arms around his knees, hugging them tightly and digging his fingers into the flesh so hard he can feel the bruises already forming beneath his fingers. It does nothing to stop the rising panic, and he can feel that his breaths are coming too quickly. It’s not until the first sob chokes out that he realises he’s crying as well, feels the tears pricking at his eyes, and the wetness on his cheeks. He slaps his hands over his mouth to try and smother the sobs, to stop them, or at least stop the noise escaping, but the sound of his harsh breaths sucking in air against his palms is still all he can hear.

He’s certain now, and he can’t hold it inside anymore

_ He’s not Shiro. _

He should move, should leave the corridor, should find a more convenient place to have this breakdown that apparently couldn’t even wait until he made it back to his own quarters. But he doesn’t have the strength within him. He can’t even stop the tears and broken sobs, moving is so far out of the question, so he just sends a wish to the universe that no one will notice his absence and come looking for him, that he can have this moment in the relative peace the corridor provides him.

 

* * *

 

He’s not friendly with the Black Lion.

He’s not sure it’s something that’s done. Not sure if you can be friends with the Black Lion. For all Shiro’s insistence that he be leader, they'd never discussed Keith piloting Black, so he isn't sure if that's normal. Keith would call it a working relationship. It had none of the warmth and support that Red had offered him, where Red had directed and pushed him, Black was just  _ there _ . 

It’s something he starts to do, taking the notebook into the black lion and writing his notes. Kuron is doing his best to help them find Shiro, and Keith feels more comfortable around him now that he has confirmation he's not Shiro. He doesn’t need to pretend, he's not constantly on edge, and he finds it easier to be around him, would even count him as a friend. They talk about  _ him _ sometimes, and sometimes when Kuron offers a hug Keith accepts it, lets himself hold on a little too tight, plays pretend for a second that it’s Shiro’s arms around him.

But not for long.

So he heads to the Black Lion, takes his notebook with him, and sometimes when he’s tired and exhausted afterwards, when he knows that the tear tracks on his eyes would be obvious to anyone who saw him, he just gives in and lets himself fall asleep in Black’s cockpit. It’s not comfortable, and he always wakes up with an ache in his neck and his back, but he doesn’t let that stop him. 

_ Dear Shiro,  _

_ I’m starting to think we may never get you back. _

~~_ I don’t think I wa _ ~~

When he wakes he thinks he must have fallen asleep in his bed after all. The mattress below him is wrong though, too lumpy and a little too soft, and he can feel the support structure of the furniture below him. There’s a pressure against his back as well, something that wouldn’t be there if he were on his bed. He frowns, not able to place the feeling, his eyes still closed as he tries to work out where he could have fallen asleep in the castle instead.

When he finally opens his eyes, everything looks off, everything he can see is a strange purple hue. He thinks it looks as if someone has lit the room like a nightclub, he blinks his eyes trying to clear them, just in case it’s his eyes playing tricks on him. He's still blinking his eyes when he realises he knows where he is. 

His surroundings are undeniably that of his desert cabin. He’s on his couch, the futon which once upon a time would have been able to be moved out into a bed, but the furniture has long since rusted past that ability, just as the mattress for the most part has fallen into disrepair. Once, it had been Shiro’s and his, when they used to come out here together. They had intended to replace the mattress, or at least procure an overlay, some addition that would provide the comfort that it so needed to give some form of comfort. But it had never been a priority, too many other things on their minds, other things to do, and they’d never got around to it. 

Then when Shiro had been declared dead it had never seemed worth it, the uncomfortableness of the mattress a punishment of sorts. If Keith could lose Shiro he didn't deserve a comfortable bed. 

Now though, the uncomfortableness is familiar, and anchors him, the pressure of the supportive beams confirm where he is, even when everything is tinged by the weird light. 

He stretches out his feet, pressing the soles of his boots against the arms of the futon, and it’s only as he does so that he’s reminded of the pressure behind him. It’s not the familiar soft lumpiness of the back of the futon, and besides Keith is almost hanging off the edge, he’s too far forward for his back to be pressing against the lumpy back. 

Before he can get caught up on trying to guess, Keith does what he does best, forcing himself into action, beginning the complex and cautious motion of twisting on the mattress without falling off, the small space and smaller margin for error making his movements necessarily slow and deliberate.

He sees the lock of white hair before he’s finished the movement. His body flinches, both in shock and in an attempt to finish the movement, get closer, touch.

All of which fails when he falls off the couch instead.

“Ugh.” He groans, not moving from where he’s fallen. His ass hurts where he fell on it, but that’s not stopping him from moving. 

He wants to get up, to look at the couch, but he’s worried that when he looks Shiro won’t be there. It could have been a flash of his imagination, or his memories bleeding through. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s thought he saw Shiro, or dreamed of Shiro. The only thing that’s stopping him from writing this off as a dream is the pain he can feel in his ass, the ache from falling onto it from the couch.

Despite the fact that Keith wants nothing more than to stay in a world where he can pretend Shiro is here with him, he’s never been very good at waiting. Keith has always been the one to rip the scab off his wounds.

Bracing himself for disappointment, he grabs a handhold of the couch, pulling himself upright, and looking over.

He lets himself fall back to the ground when he sees Shiro on the couch, eyes open and watching him.

He’s lying on the ground, looking at the stained ceiling, when Shiro’s face peers around the cushions of the couch.

“Hey you.” His voice is soft, words angled gently at Keith. “You okay down there?”

Keith is not okay, he is not anywhere near a reasonable definition of okay. 

He reaches out a hand, reaching up to the illusion of Shiro. Reaching out but still not daring to hope. The possible-Shiro watches his fingers as they reach out, slowly approaching. Keith pauses just before his fingers should touch Shiro, hesitating before jerking them up the final inch.

The fingers make contact, bumping into maybe-possible-Shiro’s cheekbones and his eyes close at the contact. Keith’s pushes his hand up further, cupping his cheek.

“Is this real?” He whispers, and the possibly-really-Shiro’s eyes shoot open.

He gives a soft laugh. “Yeah. Yeah this is real.”

“What… what is this? Why are we here?”

“This is... some sort of spiritual or psychic plane. I came here before with Black, and we fought Zarkon.”

“You mean when we all fought Zarkon?” 

“No.” Shiro shakes his head, and his white hair flops over his eyes, but Shiro doesn’t make any move to fix it. “It was before, when Zarkon kept finding us through the Black Lion.”

Keith chews his lip, considering this. He remembers, vaguely, Shiro mentioning that he’d bonded with Black, and the subsequent certainty he’d had that they could go find the Blade of Marmora’s headquarters. And well, then that had happened, and things had kept happening.

Then Shiro had disappeared.

Keith closes his eyes, blocking out Shiro, and attempting to block out the memory of an empty cockpit. His hand drops away from Shiro’s face, coming to rest on his own stomach.

“Hey.” There’s a pressure of fingers against his shoulder and when he opens his eyes. Shiro is still looking down at him, his brows pulling together, and his face is obviously concerned. “Come up here with me?”

Keith nods, not even considering the option of rejecting the request. When he doesn’t move for a few moments, Shiro’s fingers on his shoulder turn to a grip, giving a tug, a call to action for Keith, and he capitulates, following the pull of Shiro’s fingers, until he’s lying on the couch facing Shiro.

It’s too much, Shiro’s eyes less than a hand's length from his own. Shiro’s eyes are watching him, and Keith has to close his eyes, needs to put some space between them, even if there is none between the press of their bodies.

Closing his eyes helps a little, except that now his focus is on all the other ways he can sense Shiro. He can hear Shiro’s breaths, feel the warm air exhales against his lips, he can feel the touch of Shiro’s fingertips, firm enough to be holding him, securing him to the couch. Their legs are pressed together too, and Shiro has wrapped a leg around his ankle, another anchor to keep him here.

The silence filled only by their breathing suffocates Keith, and he blurts out, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Keith’s eyes are still closed, and when Shiro presses his forehead against his own it’s a contact, another anchor. This time instead of anchoring Keith to the couch it feels like the contact is intended to keep Keith close to Shiro himself. 

“Have you been here the whole time? Since the battle?” 

“Not here. At first I was just… in space. Where we had been when we were fighting Zarkon. It was... lonely. Then one day I was thinking of here, and how much I missed it, and then I was here.”

Keith misses the shack too sometimes, misses the place, and the time when things were simpler, when it had been just the two of them.

“Why here?” He asks.

Keith can hear the sigh, feels the exhale of air against his face before Shiro says softly, “Some of my best memories were here.”

His breath catches in his throat, choking his words so that when he does manage to get out: “mine too,” the words are broken.

Shiro’s arms wrap around him, pulling him tight, forcing their bodies together. Keith wraps the arm not pinned underneath him around Shiro, holding on as tight as he can. He realises then just how much he’d missed Shiro, missed the way that when Shiro hugs, it’s all in. He realises now, just how  _ lacking _ Kuron’s hugs were. A reasonable substitution, but they could never compare to the real thing.

He’d missed this  _ so much _ , neither the memories, or Kuron’s hugs could compare to the way it felt to actually be wrapped in Shiro’s arms.

It feels right. Keith wants to stay wrapped in Shiro’s arms for as long as possible.

He feels the tears pricking at his eyes, and he tries to blink them away, but when that fails, he buries his head into Shiro’s collarbone and let them fall onto Shiro’s shirt. He’s making a mess of Shiro’s shirt, if that’s even possible in this place. Keith can feel the dampness at his face though, so Shiro must be able to feel it too.

Keith can’t contain the sobs any more than he could the tears, his body shaking with the effort, and eventually Keith decides to give up.

Shiro just rubs his back, offering platitudes and reassurances of “it’s okay,” “you can let it out” and “I’m here now” until Keith’s tears slow, if not cease completely.

“Thanks,” he croaks, when he feels like he can speak again, “I really missed you.”

“I really missed you too.” Shiro says, squeezing the hug tighter again.

Falling asleep isn’t something he intends to do. One moment he’s thinking about the many questions he needs to ask Shiro, and then he remembers nothing else.

 

* * *

 

The cold floor of the Black Lion is, quite possibly, Keith’s least favourite place to wake up.

The chair is a far better place to fall asleep, and therefore wake up in, and Keith usually tries to fall asleep in the chair if he can.

He curses his past self for choosing such a terrible place to sleep. Next time he’ll actually make it to his bed. The chair may be terrible, but the floor is even worse.

He groans, stretching out his arms and legs, meaning to stretch his legs long and his arms wide into a tee form.

Except his arm bumps into something.

He yanks his arm back as if burnt, and his eyes shoot open, looking for the intrusion that has invaded his space.

He would never, in a thousand guesses, have predicted it would be Shiro.

The night before comes tumbling back to him.

“Shiro,” he calls out, voice soft, and this time he doesn’t hesitate to reach out, needs to know  _ right now _ if it’s real.

His finger connects with Shiro’s jawline, and Shiro’s eyes shoot open immediately, his hand reaching up to grab Keith’s wrist, the hold tight, and Keith isn’t sure he could free himself even if he wanted to.

“Keith,” Shiro gasps, and the fingers ease but don’t let go of their hold on his wrist.

“This is real?” Keith says, and the words are a statement but they come out as a question. He can’t bring himself to believe it yet.

Shiro squeezes Keith’s hand where he holds it, and it’s enough for Keith. He lunges forward, pinning Shiro’s body with his own, and bringing his free arm around to hold onto Shiro. The hand still held by Shiro is pinned between them, and almost nothing about this is comfortable —  he knocked his knee on the floor in his rush —  but he’s ignoring all of that, none of it really matters, not when he has Shiro here,  _ actually here _ with him. 

He pushes up onto the elbow of his free arm, so he can look at Shiro’s face. He moves his wrist still held by Shiro, expecting Shiro to release him. Instead Shiro keeps hold of his wrist, allowing Keith to drag his hand up, as he reaches out to touch Shiro’s jaw. 

His fingers brush along Shiro’s jaw, and he can feel Shiro’s eyes on him as he watches his fingers trace Shiro’s jawline before coming up to rest at his cheek.

Before he can second guess himself, he surges forward, capturing Shiro’s lips in his own.

He can feel Shiro jump, and for a moment he doesn’t make any other response, and Keith think’s he’s made a mistake, thinks he’d misjudged this, or rushed it. But then Shiro’s hand releases his wrist, coming up to rest at Keith’s nape, and he can’t help the moan he lets out, muffled at least by Shiro’s mouth still on his. 

He breaks away a little reluctantly.

He should probably say something about it. “You’re really here,” he says instead.

“Yeah,” Shiro agrees softly. “Thank you.”

Keith feels the frown on his face at the words. “For that?” he asks, swiping his thumb to just bump against the corner of Shiro’s lips.

“Yes,” Shiro says, before adding, “No. For that. And for waiting for me. For not giving up on me.”

Keith drops his head to Shiro’s chest, hiding the heat on his face from Shiro’s sight. “I gave up once, when… after Kerberos. I’d never give up on you again.”

“Okay.”

Shiro’s hand moves to Keith’s back, his hand rubbing comfortingly against his shirt.

“We should probably go out to the castle let the others know you’re back.” Keith says, a little reluctantly.

“Yeah.” Shiro agrees.

“They’ll be so happy to see you, and.. there’s so much you have to catch up on” Keith hesitates before adding. “But... maybe… that could wait? We could stay here a while longer?”

“Okay.” Shiro hugs him tighter. “Whenever you’re ready.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story meant to much to me.  
> I hope you enjoyed, I hope you were happy with the ending.
> 
> Let me know what you think by leaving me a comment (kudos are also appreciated)  
> If you wanna hit me up on tumblr to discuss this, or for any reason, you can find me at [candybarrnerd](http://candybarrnerd.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I am so so sorry for this.
> 
> I am planning to continue this. It will not stay this bad. I hope.
> 
> Please comment, even if it's just to tell me what an awful person I am.


End file.
